Ok, really, really tired, its bed time, but with that said, a little run down on today first.

Today I buried my husband. I mean that literally, I don't mean I outlived him, nor do I mean I attended his funeral.

Arlen who's the caretaker, grave digger and everything else at Bethlehem Cemetery in Tunnel Hill Illinois is older than me, older than my husband, heck, I think it was ten days or so he had a stent put in. Yeah, he's already up and working.

Any how, its not like the graves needed to be particularly large nor deep, cremain vaults aren't particularly large, so he dug the one for Vik's mom, and I dug the one for Vik, placed them in the graves, and covered up Vik while he took care of Betty.

So we drove 155 miles or so in an electric car, so charging stops in Mascoutah and Benton. Mascoutah didn't go well, the charge was real slow once I got it started after three or four tries, finally through the app. The one in Benton went weird, speed was good, but the dispenser's display was out, so I had to rely on the app, and its a little slow, so I was concerned I was stuck when the lock on the charge cable didn't release at first.

Then the burial, and then head back with a single stop in Mt Vernon at the WalMart where we had a little trouble with the Electrify America charger and its app, the latter glitching when it came to updating state of charger, and the dispenser being disagreeable about starting until I used the app.

There is now a GM Energy or whatever they're calling it across the street, so I'll prolly try that next time and see if'n it works well.

I picked up dinner at St Louis Bread Co (Panera to you heathens) before heading home, ate, surfed the web, and here we are, time for bed, but no sleeping in as I have chiro in the morning. And if'n it warms up enough, we'll try to get the tires on my Bolt to hold air so I can sell it.

#life #death #burial #STL #stlouis

Well, Sunday was... Just was.

I've gotten cremation vaults, and Sunday I took care of moving the cremains in, while Vik's mom was easy, he'd already spread about half her ashes, so splitting her between two spreader urns and the vault was easy, him not so much. Vik was a fairly large gentleman, and that means a lot of cremains, I'd thought that once unsealed there'd be enough room in the back to shift him around to fit in the vault, but nope, had to scoop a fair amount into a bowl in order to fit his bag in, then add the cremains back in and re-seal.

The white is his mom's cremains, and the blue is him and Panta, it felt like they should be buried together.

It seems with how much Panta meant to him, it was only right to bury them together.

Speaking of burial, that'll be Tues. I haven't told his family, I have a very, very small social battery, and doing this, I'm really not going to be up for being around people, I'm barely up to it on a good day, and that's not going to be a good day obviously. We're not doing a graveside service, this is just a basic burial, places them in the grave, and I'll likely help Arlen fill it in, I mean at his age he prolly shouldn't be digging graves, so I'm certainly going to offer to help fill it in, I've already offered to arrange for someone else to open, but he insisted on doing it himself. I won't chase his family away if'n they show up, and they have access to this blog, but I'm definitely not going to feel like being around people. Its kinda funny, he always said he was an introvert, and yet he was on a bowling team, active part of the pen club scene out here even helping with the convention, was at least part of events related to Ingress at one time even taking part in a big event here, active with WikiTree and other genealogy sites, and more, so much that I doubt I've contacted them all. Me? I'm a happy hermit, I'll just stay home, read and watch... well, more listen to TV, and that's it. I don't think he could really be counted as an introvert...

There might be a memorial in the future, a lot of people would certainly like it, but I've been leaving that up to his family, at least the organization, and I haven't heard anything on that front.

We'll also need to pick out a headstone, plan is to get a double headstone, but use it a bit non-standardly, with his mom's name top center, his name lower left, and a blank spot for me on the right for when my time comes. Well that, or put my name without a date now, but that seems a touch morbid to me.

We've also scheduled an appointment with a lawyer to get the probate matter settled, 18th we'll see about getting that rolling so it goes to court.

#life #family #estate #death

So today I picked up Vik ( @Vik-Thor / Lirleni Hankeshe ) from St Louis Crematorium, 4 weeks and a day since his passing. It took a while as there was a problem with his death certificate which I think I mentioned

Not sure what I feel, now I have his ashes and his death certificates, I guess it seems a little more real? Before I was just cleaning the house, sure, somewhat intrusively and making decisions on stuff that he'd usually decide on, but some how it still hadn't sunk in I guess?

I'll need to get some help with making financial decisions, definitely want to speak to someone what works for me rather than a rep at Fidelity or Morgan Stanley with regards to investments and 401K, and then there's chasing down bank accounts. And of course taxes will be rather interesting I'm sure.

Beyond that, mostly just continuing to sort, sort and sort some more, and figure out who wants what, who buys what, etc. I've got help on the comics and fountain pens, prolly give a lot of the stickers and stationary to the local journalling group. Need to donate some bags and basic stationary items to someone, and for the rest... No idea yet.

#Life #death #family

Three weeks since my husband passed. I took this week off in a number of ways, I went back to work, I needed to get some normal back in my life.

Bit of a rough week, little work for me Wednesday and Thursday, so I worked yesterday, and still fell short of goal. Wednesday wasn't a surprise, my main #gig RXD doesn't have much on Wednesday, and most of what they have is garbage, but Thursday was a surprise, I couldn't get a route for the life of me. Also I wasn't available Monday as I was taking care of things at his office.

This week I've got a Better Trucks shift lined up for Wednesday, and depending on how the week goes, I might start signing up for more shifts. Pay wise its better than RXD, however I actually have to work, so... Might go back to my old zone if'n I do, my husband was a good part of why I dropped it, at least until winter, that zone has an 1140 load time and takes 6 to 8 hours, so I'd be getting home after him by an hour or two, no more dinner together. Now though? Yeah, my night vision sucks, so when it starts getting dark at 1700, I'll have to drop it again if'n they don't shift the load time earlier by then.

Any how, as I said, going for a normal week, not dealing with his passing in any way this week, being a little lazy, I do have some proofread work that I should've been doing, I'll just have to make time this coming week to get that done.

Friday brought an interesting phone call from the crematorium, I had been wondering what the delay is. Apparently they're having problems getting his death certificate signed, for some reason his GP was listed, and he refused to sign it for obvious reasons, he works out of SSM DePaul, Vik died at SSM SLU, so no real surprise that he's refusing to sign when he wasn't there. Not sure if'n that was a mistake, or its standard practice out here for his GP to sign off on a nature cause death. I've emailed them about the mistake, and I think they were contacting the city Medical Examiner for some help, so hopefully this'll be sorted soon, and things can get moving, I kinda need the death certificate to close accounts, collect life insurance, and so on. Might also need to grab a few copies of my marriage license as well, might be necessary to prove our marriage.

Got his car cleaned out today, though the interior will definitely need cleaning. Also have a link for sorting out the title as he didn't put down a TOD for whatever reason. Trying to avoid probate court if all possible, I mean my relationship with his family is fine, they expect that I inherit everything, so there's no real reason to get the courts involved, the only thing is on Apple, but if'n I'm reading that right, that'll just get me access to his iCloud, and I'm not sure I need anything there.

So, that's about all the news.

#family #Life #death

I'm still trying to figure out how I'm supposed to feel about losing my husband, my reaction is certainly not what you're told you're supposed to have, at least as society says, but then I've always had a problem with society and relationships, is it me or is there no grey in it? Its either love or friendship, that's what's expected, nothing in between. But really there is a lot of grey, isn't there?

Did I love him? Honestly I'm not sure, I mean what is love (feel free to insert Haddoway)? I'm sure some of my problems come from my autism, maybe a lot. Me, I'm a hermit, I leave the house for work, grocery shopping and Sunday brunch, and that's about it. I avoid people like the plague.

He always said he was introvert, something that seems so weird, I mean he was well loved at work and involved in some many parts of it. He was active in the fountain pen community and Ingress community, active in local government, and genealogy.

Certainly hard to imagine him as an introvert, right?
But introverts need to recharge mentally, right?

I suppose that's where I fit in, I provided that, a place where he didn't need to be anything but who he was. I kept the house clean more or less, took care of finances, had last word, sometimes only word on big things, it was me who decided we should stop paying rent and buy a house Here he could come home, touch base with me, then crawl into a computer for the rest of the night, food would be taken care of, home was where he could relax.

I suppose I'm angry at him, the obvious would be for leaving me, the less obvious, I've been nudging him to take serious the fact that he would get out of breath on stairs. Lately when grocery shopping, at the second store, and sometimes the first, he'd have to use one of those powered carts. And then there were another minor problem, at least that one he went to the doctor, but that was just a couple weeks ago. Then there's the problems here, from the fear over money, I don't make much with what I do, and I had no idea what he had in place as he'd never told me. Frustration, since we never really planned, so I have no access to his computers or devices, which has me operating somewhat blind. I'm pretty creative, so I've got some idea of what I need to deal with, but still. Sad? That comes and goes, it has to be rather strong loss for me to be sad, that's been rare in my life, and this is definitely a strong loss. A stew of emotions and confusion.

My greatest strength is organizing things, putting together a plan, its just a matter of figuring out where to start. I'm lucky that help is available, as I told his father this morning, I'm kinda drowning in help, plenty of family, co-worker and friend support, but its hard for me to ask for help, harder still when I don't know what I need. I think funeral and memorial is the biggest area where I need help, I have an idea of what cemetery I think would be appropriate, but not just for him, but for his mom and his cat, assuming all three would be allowed, but the details are something that I'm uncertain about.

Beyond that, its a very simple though annoying process of reporting his death to various banks, insurance, etc, providing proof, settling debts and closing accounts. Honestly that's mostly easy, its my comfort zone, while I hate desk work, I do enjoy any task that amounts to fill in the blank. Interspersed with that will be returning to work, and trying to clean this place, a task that I'm estimating at taking months.

Surprise sympathy flowers sent to me by Chewies after settling my husband's account The image features a bouquet of flowers arranged on a marble surface. The bouquet consists of white lilies with subtle purple speckles and yellow carnations, complemented by green foliage and small white flowers. A white ribbon is tied around the bouquet, adding a touch of elegance. Two cards are attached to the bouquet: one is a business card for "Bloomers Florist" The other card is a handwritten note that reads, "Sorry for your loss. I am so sorry to hear about your loss. All my love and prayers are with you. Love, Andrew and your Chewy Family." The background is a simple, light-colored marble surface.

I think I'm going to have a lay down, hopefully this was understandable, it certainly was draining.

#love #Life #death #feelings

As I mentioned on Monday, my husband passed away suddenly. This is bad enough, but he neither left a will that I'm aware of nor access to any of his computers or devices, a rather large problem as his life is mostly stored online.

So, I've been dealing with minor loose ends while things got sorted with the morgue, cancelled the cat food subscription, and the toilet paper subscription, got a computer trade in he was in the middle of wrapped up. Got instructions from Patreon on how to close his accounts, and scared up a site that helps me find out what bank accounts he had, though its accuracy is somewhat iffy.

I'm hoping to avoid having anything to do with the courts, anyone know if they need to be involved? I'm his spouse, we're legally married, and his family has accepted that, so there's no challenge to me inheriting everything, I see no reason to get the court involved unless its required. There is however one thing that might need to involve them, and that's his Apple account, the only way I can access it is with his death certificate and a court order. There may be other less pleasant ways to get access to at least his computer, but I'd kinda not do that, though it might be necessary. Does anyone know what you get in a case like this? Just what's on his iCloud, or can we unlock his devices? I'm not sure if'n he exclusively stored to his iCloud, backed up to it, or had a mixture of backed up and not backed up files on his computer.

Beyond that, I think its just sorting his belongings and deciding what to keep, if'n you're local, I may have some food to give, some of the stuff he liked not only wasn't stuff I like, but stuff I don't think the food bank'll have much interest in, especially the perishables.

#Life #today #STL #stlouis #missouri #Mo #death #help #family #Apple #advice