What a day, slept fine far as I know, not through the night, but I never do that, but wasn't up more than usual. But dreams, I rarely remember dreaming, let alone what I dreamed, but I did sorta remember these, at least in as much as they were weird, very trippy.

So for whatever reason I was dragging this morning, but I did get out of the house close to on time so I could go sit at Bread Co and wait for RoadieXD to drop jobs... And nothing today, action there's been nothing for a few weeks I think, however I haven't had the time to work for them as I've mostly transitioned back to BetterTrucks, so I was checking as frequently, but Tues is a free day, so we were looking for something today. No dice, so I'm going to have to decide what to do with my Tues in the future, maybe back to Better Trucks, or be more careful on Sunday so I can catch when Jitsu drops their Tues blocks, not sure yet. I did however while I was out make a payment on his car, once his burial and memorial is sorted, I'll have to look at what's left of his life insurance and see if'n buying out the car is an option, but with no TOD, taking ownership might be tricky, I'm going to see if'n the Credit Union can help with that by repossessing the car on paper, then selling it to me for the pay off amount and some extra fees, otherwise there's a form to fill that will transfer ownership so long as the car isn't worth too much, and of course probate court is an option, but I'd rather not deal with that if I don't have to.

Either way, came home, finished my usual web surfing, though that took longer than usual as I was still dragging. And sleepy, very sleepy. I did wind up taking a nap, but do need to figure out why I've been sleepy lately, been busy getting the comics ready for sale to the tune of 20 or so hours a week on top of 30 to 35 hours of work, sometimes more on either of those, plus chores. Oh, and the yard work, part of a much larger project that was going to involve me, Vik and our room mate, the latter is helping here and there, but I'm mostly getting the backyard sorted out, it serves as a break from everything else, but its a large project, the yard waste pile is now 6ft or so, and we have piles of pavers and concrete. It is however mostly done, just need a few cubic yards of dirt to fill in some holes, and its done. Might also be thyroid or vitamin, my mom has basically no thyroid function and my sister very little, so runs in the family, but that'll have to wait until I find some insurance (anyone want to help with that?). If its vitamin, that's going to be tricky, I did try to go back to multivitamins, Vik had about a half bottle left here, but they turn my stomach, so that's not an option.

Should've called the cemetery about the burial, but was tired, so napped, then scanned a shelf of comics, and here we are. I suspect the burial is part of my problem last night and today, Vik was often out late whether he had game, town council meeting, pen club meeting, genealogy research, and so on, so him not being here is only unusual in the fact that its for an extended period, since I haven't cleaned out much of his stuff yet, things feel mostly normal here, but planning his burial... Yeah, that kinda hammers things home.

Need to figure out dinner, surf the web and then bed.

#today #life

Started at 0630 with the front lawn that hadn't been mown in three weeks. Mostly went well, but my Hart equipment needs new batteries, could've sworn I had four, but could only account for three, one of which broke, and the remaining two seem to have drained way to fast. While waiting for them to charge, I started on project two, finally reining in the south side where things have been growing like weeds. Not sure if most of it was goldenrod, or the Missouri equivalent of bamboo, but I went to work cutting each piece down with pruners and piling it in the back against the fence.

At one point I took a break, ordering MickeyD's delivered, which is stupidly expensive. After eating, I got back to work, finishing the pruning before returning to the front to finish that. After that, we went to work using a trimmer to cut the grass in the same area because there was no way the mower would get it done. In the end, the room mate joined in, since his equipment is better than mine, and everything along that side was cut.

Yep, no before pic, but there's the after, not real impressive looking, but at least its no longer an eyesore.

That said, I do think I overdid it, from neck pain to unquenchable thirst, as well as the coffee I had with my breakfast, I went through four 12oz Gatorades while I was working. Since I came in, I've had another coffee, and cup after cup, after cup of water which doesn't come back out. My neck is also sore, and I'm fairly certain I'm a bit sun burned.

Ugh, no grocery shopping or laundry today, those can wait until tomorrow, though I will do the mileage log and finish proofreading a story I've been working on, along with my regular night's web surfing... Well, extended version since I didn't surf this morn. Once I get that all done, it'll prolly be bedtime.

Tomorrow I'll have to start scanning documents to share with my financial manager related to Vik's passing, we need to get a plan in place so I can start taking care of the big financial decisions, and winding down his estate. I did accidentally kick over a hornet's nest yesterday, hopefully the bank doesn't repo his car now that they know he's dead, I'd rather like to keep it, even though ownership transfer will be challenging, but them taking it is not that big of a deal. And I do really need to get back to the comics, prepping that for sale, and that's the really big project. I do have someone brokering the sale of his fountain pens, and that's going well.

#today #mo #STL #Yardwork #fountainpen

Not much to say this week, five weeks have passed, and still digging this place out.

Focus has switched to comics, and then books, this'll make the largest difference in the place. The original desk focus was good, that helped find all kinds of documents and info that I didn't have, but now its more a matter of volume, and books and comics will clear the most space the fastest. i'm leaning towards bring books to Half Price Books, and then to Thrift Books, though for the latter I'll have to check, I think they normally pay shipping for you to send books to them, but they have a warehouse not far from here that I worked at, so no shipping needed.

On the legal and money sides, last week we finally got his death certificate, and have started the process of claiming his life insurance. The money from that'll pay for a plot and service, and hopefully enough money to buy out his car as there's no way the bank'll let me take over the note, not with my kind of work. For everything else, I'm in contact with a financial manager/planner that my mom uses, figure I need to figure out which way I want to run before I start, no?

Cleaning has been interesting today, was cleaning out a few milk crates from the basement, stuff from his life before I met him, stuff he never really talked about, and I think it would've been interesting to hear. He'd mentioned having had a tongue piercing, but it was gone by the time I met him, but I did find a pic of him showing it off. That was back when he lived in San Francisco, where he was also quite active in the gay pagan community as well as the gay fetish community. I really wish he'd told me more about that time in his life.

#life #death #family #taur

So today I picked up Vik ( @Vik-Thor / Lirleni Hankeshe ) from St Louis Crematorium, 4 weeks and a day since his passing. It took a while as there was a problem with his death certificate which I think I mentioned

Not sure what I feel, now I have his ashes and his death certificates, I guess it seems a little more real? Before I was just cleaning the house, sure, somewhat intrusively and making decisions on stuff that he'd usually decide on, but some how it still hadn't sunk in I guess?

I'll need to get some help with making financial decisions, definitely want to speak to someone what works for me rather than a rep at Fidelity or Morgan Stanley with regards to investments and 401K, and then there's chasing down bank accounts. And of course taxes will be rather interesting I'm sure.

Beyond that, mostly just continuing to sort, sort and sort some more, and figure out who wants what, who buys what, etc. I've got help on the comics and fountain pens, prolly give a lot of the stickers and stationary to the local journalling group. Need to donate some bags and basic stationary items to someone, and for the rest... No idea yet.

#Life #death #family

Three weeks since my husband passed. I took this week off in a number of ways, I went back to work, I needed to get some normal back in my life.

Bit of a rough week, little work for me Wednesday and Thursday, so I worked yesterday, and still fell short of goal. Wednesday wasn't a surprise, my main #gig RXD doesn't have much on Wednesday, and most of what they have is garbage, but Thursday was a surprise, I couldn't get a route for the life of me. Also I wasn't available Monday as I was taking care of things at his office.

This week I've got a Better Trucks shift lined up for Wednesday, and depending on how the week goes, I might start signing up for more shifts. Pay wise its better than RXD, however I actually have to work, so... Might go back to my old zone if'n I do, my husband was a good part of why I dropped it, at least until winter, that zone has an 1140 load time and takes 6 to 8 hours, so I'd be getting home after him by an hour or two, no more dinner together. Now though? Yeah, my night vision sucks, so when it starts getting dark at 1700, I'll have to drop it again if'n they don't shift the load time earlier by then.

Any how, as I said, going for a normal week, not dealing with his passing in any way this week, being a little lazy, I do have some proofread work that I should've been doing, I'll just have to make time this coming week to get that done.

Friday brought an interesting phone call from the crematorium, I had been wondering what the delay is. Apparently they're having problems getting his death certificate signed, for some reason his GP was listed, and he refused to sign it for obvious reasons, he works out of SSM DePaul, Vik died at SSM SLU, so no real surprise that he's refusing to sign when he wasn't there. Not sure if'n that was a mistake, or its standard practice out here for his GP to sign off on a nature cause death. I've emailed them about the mistake, and I think they were contacting the city Medical Examiner for some help, so hopefully this'll be sorted soon, and things can get moving, I kinda need the death certificate to close accounts, collect life insurance, and so on. Might also need to grab a few copies of my marriage license as well, might be necessary to prove our marriage.

Got his car cleaned out today, though the interior will definitely need cleaning. Also have a link for sorting out the title as he didn't put down a TOD for whatever reason. Trying to avoid probate court if all possible, I mean my relationship with his family is fine, they expect that I inherit everything, so there's no real reason to get the courts involved, the only thing is on Apple, but if'n I'm reading that right, that'll just get me access to his iCloud, and I'm not sure I need anything there.

So, that's about all the news.

#family #Life #death

So when cleaning my husband's desks (work and home) and bag, I've been finding some money...

Yeah, coins, paper, foreign as well as US, savings bonds, gift cards and certificates, and credit/bank cards. Need to figure out if'n there's anything valuable here and what to do with the foreign currency, any ideas? Paper currency's current stack is over $200, plus what I have in my wallet, and what little bit I've spent so far.

I also really need help sorting here, I've collected 9 collapsible cube storage bins worth of stuff that needs further sorting, and I'm not done yet, though I am running out of places to put stuff. Anyone in #STL up for a sorting party, especially someone who wants to take a lead on figuring out how best to further sort this stuff? I'll pay for the pizza, and within reason, anyone what helps can take what they want.

I've got help to deal with the comics, I've made 3 short boxes from his desks so far, and I think I've found all the loose ones, but there's still this downstairs:

Some stuff has already been set aside to figure out what to do with it, like his collection of fountain pens and ink, I've given a shout on Messenger to the STL Pen Show in hopes that they can help me figure out what to do with those. Craft stuff I'm giving his family first dibs. Ditto for clothes, after that...

Anyone in the furry community want to help with that side of things? We've got prints around here as well as MFM memorabilia, and possibly other stuff.

#STL #Mo #missouri #help #fountainpen

Ok, starting to agressively clean up @Vik-Thor / Lirleni Hankeshe 's desks here in the computer room, largely because with no access to his Apple devices, I have to hope there's paper here to help me find accounts.

So, the good news is that this desk...

now looks like this...

Unfortunately, that's because the area where we have the trash can and recycling bin looks like this

That also where the A/C vent is, so its getting rather warm in here. A lot of that will be getting shredded, quite a lot, because with this volume of paper, the rule will be when in doubt, shred.

―

I'm still trying to figure out how I'm supposed to feel about losing my husband, my reaction is certainly not what you're told you're supposed to have, at least as society says, but then I've always had a problem with society and relationships, is it me or is there no grey in it? Its either love or friendship, that's what's expected, nothing in between. But really there is a lot of grey, isn't there?

Did I love him? Honestly I'm not sure, I mean what is love (feel free to insert Haddoway)? I'm sure some of my problems come from my autism, maybe a lot. Me, I'm a hermit, I leave the house for work, grocery shopping and Sunday brunch, and that's about it. I avoid people like the plague.

He always said he was introvert, something that seems so weird, I mean he was well loved at work and involved in some many parts of it. He was active in the fountain pen community and Ingress community, active in local government, and genealogy.

Certainly hard to imagine him as an introvert, right?
But introverts need to recharge mentally, right?

I suppose that's where I fit in, I provided that, a place where he didn't need to be anything but who he was. I kept the house clean more or less, took care of finances, had last word, sometimes only word on big things, it was me who decided we should stop paying rent and buy a house Here he could come home, touch base with me, then crawl into a computer for the rest of the night, food would be taken care of, home was where he could relax.

I suppose I'm angry at him, the obvious would be for leaving me, the less obvious, I've been nudging him to take serious the fact that he would get out of breath on stairs. Lately when grocery shopping, at the second store, and sometimes the first, he'd have to use one of those powered carts. And then there were another minor problem, at least that one he went to the doctor, but that was just a couple weeks ago. Then there's the problems here, from the fear over money, I don't make much with what I do, and I had no idea what he had in place as he'd never told me. Frustration, since we never really planned, so I have no access to his computers or devices, which has me operating somewhat blind. I'm pretty creative, so I've got some idea of what I need to deal with, but still. Sad? That comes and goes, it has to be rather strong loss for me to be sad, that's been rare in my life, and this is definitely a strong loss. A stew of emotions and confusion.

My greatest strength is organizing things, putting together a plan, its just a matter of figuring out where to start. I'm lucky that help is available, as I told his father this morning, I'm kinda drowning in help, plenty of family, co-worker and friend support, but its hard for me to ask for help, harder still when I don't know what I need. I think funeral and memorial is the biggest area where I need help, I have an idea of what cemetery I think would be appropriate, but not just for him, but for his mom and his cat, assuming all three would be allowed, but the details are something that I'm uncertain about.

Beyond that, its a very simple though annoying process of reporting his death to various banks, insurance, etc, providing proof, settling debts and closing accounts. Honestly that's mostly easy, its my comfort zone, while I hate desk work, I do enjoy any task that amounts to fill in the blank. Interspersed with that will be returning to work, and trying to clean this place, a task that I'm estimating at taking months.

Surprise sympathy flowers sent to me by Chewies after settling my husband's account The image features a bouquet of flowers arranged on a marble surface. The bouquet consists of white lilies with subtle purple speckles and yellow carnations, complemented by green foliage and small white flowers. A white ribbon is tied around the bouquet, adding a touch of elegance. Two cards are attached to the bouquet: one is a business card for "Bloomers Florist" The other card is a handwritten note that reads, "Sorry for your loss. I am so sorry to hear about your loss. All my love and prayers are with you. Love, Andrew and your Chewy Family." The background is a simple, light-colored marble surface.

I think I'm going to have a lay down, hopefully this was understandable, it certainly was draining.

#love #Life #death #feelings

As I mentioned on Monday, my husband passed away suddenly. This is bad enough, but he neither left a will that I'm aware of nor access to any of his computers or devices, a rather large problem as his life is mostly stored online.

So, I've been dealing with minor loose ends while things got sorted with the morgue, cancelled the cat food subscription, and the toilet paper subscription, got a computer trade in he was in the middle of wrapped up. Got instructions from Patreon on how to close his accounts, and scared up a site that helps me find out what bank accounts he had, though its accuracy is somewhat iffy.

I'm hoping to avoid having anything to do with the courts, anyone know if they need to be involved? I'm his spouse, we're legally married, and his family has accepted that, so there's no challenge to me inheriting everything, I see no reason to get the court involved unless its required. There is however one thing that might need to involve them, and that's his Apple account, the only way I can access it is with his death certificate and a court order. There may be other less pleasant ways to get access to at least his computer, but I'd kinda not do that, though it might be necessary. Does anyone know what you get in a case like this? Just what's on his iCloud, or can we unlock his devices? I'm not sure if'n he exclusively stored to his iCloud, backed up to it, or had a mixture of backed up and not backed up files on his computer.

Beyond that, I think its just sorting his belongings and deciding what to keep, if'n you're local, I may have some food to give, some of the stuff he liked not only wasn't stuff I like, but stuff I don't think the food bank'll have much interest in, especially the perishables.

#Life #today #STL #stlouis #missouri #Mo #death #help #family #Apple #advice

I'm kinda having a problem over here, my husband @Vik-Thor / Lirleni Hankeshe just passed away a few hours ago. Unfortunately in our life he was the chaos and I was the order, and he left me no arrangements, estate info, etc.

Yeah, I know, sounds like I'm moving fast, but as I said, I was the order, the solver of problems, the planner, plotter and schemer, as such, the only way I can really handle this is to fix what I can fix, try to make some order here, and keep moving.

I'm working on figuring things out, if'n anyone can point me to some good resources for how to handle this, I could use them. If'n your local and want to help me, I could use some help obviously as I'm dealing with a hoarder who didn't share much information with me unless I thought to ask. Oh, and I have a memory like a sieve, so that only makes the situation worse.

For those wondering if'n I need any financial help or anything like that, I'm fine, I was in charge of that, so I've got enough for I think 3-4 months with zero income, and obviously at some point I'll get back to working.

I have contacted @Bitwarden 's support to see if'n its possible to get access to his vault, as that'll allow me to sort out his private life.