An old Soviet joke for current times.

Every day a man stops at a newsstand, buys the state-run paper. Looks at only the front page, curses, and throws it away. This continues daily until the seller asks: "Why do you keep doing that?!"
Man replies: “I'm looking for an obituary!"
Seller says: “Those aren't on the front page!"
Man says: “The one I’m looking for will be!"